Here i am. Nothing has changed. Still the same coward, used to the same routine for about 2 years now and with no will strong enough to change it.
Haven't seen the light of day for 4 days straight now.
Haven't eaten anything decent besides a 10 minute meal somewhat tasty enough for me to keep going yesterday.
The milk has gone sour (nice one... T-T ) and besides a quick fix in the form of a bowl of cereal 3 days ago (with the aforementioned milk) i have fed myself with half a pack of digestive cookies and water. other than that, just usually starving myself.
I have not spoken anything decent either. whatever words came out of my mouth, besides a simple hello, were simply pathetic, a fact i immediately regretted after a conversation with the one girl that put a goofy smile on my face last week (which with my looks isn't anything but scary) that just wouldn't go away.
It was pretty much like this:
The Nympho: "Hi. Wow! You must really be dead tired!
Me: "Well, i really needed to use the bathroom..."
Wow!!! I mean, REALLY?!?!?!
It pains me to remember the conversation. I have a feeling it will not be my last, unfortunately.
I have not spoke (written is more accurate) with my friends in about a week. It is not fun being completely isolated, unintentionaly or otherwise.
My family is unaware of my situation and it has been more and more difficult to isolate myself from them and from that house where everything is just messed up, whether the things in it or the people living in there.
The only thing i have is my bycicle and even that is not a good one. I am constantly afraid of its wheels just popping out as i am speeding (or braking) my way down a hill. Yes, it has happened before, it was not nice. I even had to pick up my fucked up bike and climb the whole hill alone to go home and discover i had to live with scars on several parts of my body. Woe is me, woe is me... - fuck that
I fail at everything i have tried out in all my years and not for lack of commitment of effort. Guitars, skateboarding, writing, running, having friends (or keeping them, for that matter) and i have already wondered (too many times for it to be just another harmless question in my mind) if i was just born as a natural fuck up in every possible way or if it's something or someone somehow that is making me be one.
I am, however, very VERY good at thinking about the most varied things and themes but i fail to write them down - i found that it takes away too much of my time and that is just the one thing i hate the most. Besides my memory is not much to begin with. Yes i do realize the irony present in more ways than one but, for now, please do shut up - i already feel too much like shit without you pointing me that indeed shit is what i am.
Tomorrow i shall be back home, and it shall feel even worse. I imagine my ground will be hard to stand.
Lies and lies await me, over and over again.
ps: please feed the 6 fishies
Haven't seen the light of day for 4 days straight now.
Haven't eaten anything decent besides a 10 minute meal somewhat tasty enough for me to keep going yesterday.
The milk has gone sour (nice one... T-T ) and besides a quick fix in the form of a bowl of cereal 3 days ago (with the aforementioned milk) i have fed myself with half a pack of digestive cookies and water. other than that, just usually starving myself.
I have not spoken anything decent either. whatever words came out of my mouth, besides a simple hello, were simply pathetic, a fact i immediately regretted after a conversation with the one girl that put a goofy smile on my face last week (which with my looks isn't anything but scary) that just wouldn't go away.
It was pretty much like this:
The Nympho: "Hi. Wow! You must really be dead tired!
Me: "Well, i really needed to use the bathroom..."
Wow!!! I mean, REALLY?!?!?!
It pains me to remember the conversation. I have a feeling it will not be my last, unfortunately.
I have not spoke (written is more accurate) with my friends in about a week. It is not fun being completely isolated, unintentionaly or otherwise.
My family is unaware of my situation and it has been more and more difficult to isolate myself from them and from that house where everything is just messed up, whether the things in it or the people living in there.
The only thing i have is my bycicle and even that is not a good one. I am constantly afraid of its wheels just popping out as i am speeding (or braking) my way down a hill. Yes, it has happened before, it was not nice. I even had to pick up my fucked up bike and climb the whole hill alone to go home and discover i had to live with scars on several parts of my body. Woe is me, woe is me... - fuck that
I fail at everything i have tried out in all my years and not for lack of commitment of effort. Guitars, skateboarding, writing, running, having friends (or keeping them, for that matter) and i have already wondered (too many times for it to be just another harmless question in my mind) if i was just born as a natural fuck up in every possible way or if it's something or someone somehow that is making me be one.
I am, however, very VERY good at thinking about the most varied things and themes but i fail to write them down - i found that it takes away too much of my time and that is just the one thing i hate the most. Besides my memory is not much to begin with. Yes i do realize the irony present in more ways than one but, for now, please do shut up - i already feel too much like shit without you pointing me that indeed shit is what i am.
Tomorrow i shall be back home, and it shall feel even worse. I imagine my ground will be hard to stand.
Lies and lies await me, over and over again.
ps: please feed the 6 fishies
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