Sselesu yllatot ma I

Here i am. Nothing has changed. Still the same coward, used to the same routine for about 2 years now and with no will strong enough to change it.
Haven't seen the light of day for 4 days straight now.
Haven't eaten anything decent besides a 10 minute meal somewhat tasty enough for me to keep going yesterday.
The milk has gone sour (nice one... T-T ) and besides a quick fix in the form of a bowl of cereal 3 days ago (with the aforementioned milk) i have fed myself with half a pack of digestive cookies and water. other than that, just usually starving myself.

I have not spoken anything decent either. whatever words came out of my mouth, besides a simple hello, were simply pathetic, a fact i immediately regretted after a conversation with the one girl that put a goofy smile on my face last week (which with my looks isn't anything but scary) that just wouldn't go away.
It was pretty much like this:

The Nympho: "Hi. Wow! You must really be dead tired!
Me: "Well, i really needed to use the bathroom..."

Wow!!! I mean, REALLY?!?!?!

It pains me to remember the conversation. I have a feeling it will not be my last, unfortunately.
I have not spoke (written is more accurate) with my friends in about a week. It is not fun being completely isolated, unintentionaly or otherwise.
My family is unaware of my situation and it has been more and more difficult to isolate myself from them and from that house where everything is just messed up, whether the things in it or the people living in there.
The only thing i have is my bycicle and even that is not a good one. I am constantly afraid of its wheels just popping out as i am speeding (or braking) my way down a hill. Yes, it has happened before, it was not nice. I even had to pick up my fucked up bike and climb the whole hill alone to go home and discover i had to live with scars on several parts of my body. Woe is me, woe is me... - fuck that
I fail at everything i have tried out in all my years and not for lack of commitment of effort. Guitars, skateboarding, writing, running, having friends (or keeping them, for that matter) and i have already wondered (too many times for it to be just another harmless question in my mind) if i was just born as a natural fuck up in every possible way or if it's something or someone somehow that is making me be one.
I am, however, very VERY good at thinking about the most varied things and themes but i fail to write them down - i found that it takes away too much of my time and that is just the one thing i hate the most. Besides my memory is not much to begin with. Yes i do realize the irony present in more ways than one but, for now, please do shut up - i already feel too much like shit without you pointing me that indeed shit is what i am.

Tomorrow i shall be back home, and it shall feel even worse. I imagine my ground will be hard to stand.
Lies and lies await me, over and over again.

ps: please feed the 6 fishies 

Christpoher Brennan

So I was roaming the internet doing things that you have nothing to know about when the Mighty Creator - that bastard - sent me this... thing, i guess?:

Apparently it's named  Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her.
Pretty lame, i know. Blaim it on the guy who wrote it.

"If questioning would make us wise
No eyes would ever gaze in eyes;
If all our tale were told in speech
No mouths would wander each to each.
Were spirits free from mortal mesh
And love not bound in hearts of flesh
No aching breasts would yearn to meet
And find their ecstasy complete.

For who is there that lives and knows
The secret powers by which he grows?
Were knowledge all, what were our need
To thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?
Then seek not, sweet, the 'If' and 'Why'
I love you now until I die.
For I must love because I live
And life in me is what you give."


I'll leave you with an image just because it made me remember some unpleasant things

So people still write good shit as this one.
Who would've known?

ps: he is still a bastard.

The Girl with the Red Coat

I was waiting for the bus a while ago, bagagge in my hands, looking for a place to sit. The terminal was completly crowded:

My uncle said to me: "Theres one!"
My gaze turns in his direction and then i saw her.
A beautiful girl with a face that seemed to sparkle. Glitery eyes, simple face - nothing much. Still her gaze captivated me and left me unable to think.
My uncle asked her if the seat next to her was taken, to which she replied with a simple "No" - just my luck. If it was good or bad i had no clue.
I sat next to her, clumsily putting my things down, cursing myself.
Didn't dare to glance at her again. Only the red blur of her jacket appeared on the right corner of my eye. She was wearing it! Just there!! - I wanted to scream.
It was not long before that blasted bus arrived to take me home
I got up, glanced at her, she at me (it hit then that I always look like shit), and there it was... that smiley face and those glittery eyes that seemed amused somehow.
There she stood, that smiley girl with the red coat

I'll never see her again

Thats the end, with a cookie and a few bugs in between, of my life love story.

The rain keeps me from seeing the city from the bridge.
Soon my memories will be the same. I can only regret it

M no longer, the bastard made me change my thingy

That asshole was bugging me non-stop to change my webname (im ignorant, fuck you too!) because apparently M is tiny as fuck and "not noticeable enough" so im changing it to Drez.
Why the hell someone believes "AC" is long enough is a mystery...

By now you must have somehow figured out that i am a rather gloomy bastard* so i still have to meet some expectations to myself and my lovely fans worldwide, even if just a name (because thats all i've got, really), lame/emo/morbid/"hip" enough to be capable of rolling the eyes of every bitchy socialite (and all variations of such status) out there, so for now, Drez it is.
It is totally open to sugestions - all you bastards will help me with it, im sure

Hopefully 4 letters are better than one and if it ends up not being i can only say to The Great Lonesome Creator and Capacitor of All Thoughts to GO FUCK HIMSELF!!!


*(if you have not, shocking as it may appear to my lovely fans - since i only had written 1 post introducing myself with rather bland words dunno how many months ago... but i digress - i assure you that it will show in the next posts)