...

Alguém me consegue explicar do que se trata o processo de socializar, no que consiste porque se insiste tanto nele. Não sei não faço a mínima ideia. Pelo que já pude assistir até agora vejo pessoas, pessoas e pessoas todas a tentar seguir um rumo diferente, todas a tentarem ser diferentes de toda-gente. Com redes sociais a pedinchar por atenção. Do tipo "e deixo aqui este comentário, por favor vem ver o meu perfil e deixa também um, ouve as musicas que eu escolhi, as minhas musicas preferidas vê as fotos de coisas que eu fiz já programadas e encenadas de propósito a ser documentadas para ficar no meu perfil para outras pessoas verem mas para isso terei de o mencionar". Onde está a diferença pergunto eu, uns dizem "não falo mal de ninguém para não ser igual" mas acabam sempre por o fazer, onde está a diferença quando andam todos pelos centros comerciais "com os seus sapatos com solas feitas na china". Sociedade que se deixa embriagar por dopaminas artificiais perde a noção do correcto, do único, DO SER, DO EXISTIR. E resume-se única e exclusivamente à interacção. Eu não existi sempre (e ainda bem) por isso não sei se as relações sociais e humanas sempre foram assim. Mas não consigo perceber é algo que me ultrapassa. Será que no interior todos acabamos por achar que seremos todos diferentes. Ou no final de contas não seremos todos apenas uma enorme massificação estandardizada de acordo com quem nos diz o que usar, como estar o que fazer do que gostar.

Seja como for...

Sunday to me is...

i really dont want sunday to come.
i really dont want to go to sleep.

why?

because when do wake up i'll be depressed as hell, the lack of sleep not helping at all, wandering around the house, picking my stuff together with a frown on my face,
having lunch with that crazy gandma who NEVER SHUTS UP (NEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa...!!! - "YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE WITH MEEE!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAhaha!!!!)
get on the bus thats filled with annoying old ladies and college students who talk way to loud abouth useless things?
not to mention when someone farts on the bus and the already hot smelly air just gets so unbearable that i cant help but feel like puking my guts out...


just wasting 3 and a half hours just to get to that place that looks like a crummy film set from the 80's and spend the rest of the day closed up in my bedroom?
it's not really my bedroom, more like a storage room and guess what: it really hasnt been touched or remodeled since the 80's!!!

(hell on earth, anyone? T-T )

and i live there!!!
and i've got no life!!!
and i cant play my fucking guitar or put on music of any kind!!!!!
(and my mp3 player just died, that stupid thingy!!!!)

I dont even fit on that bed thingy because it's lenght is shorter than my height!!!!!
and i'm not even tall!!!!!!!
why?!?!?
AND I DONT EVEN HAVE DECENT INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...????????????????????

i mean, its fucking sunday!!!!!!!
why waste it away?!?!?!?!?!
i'll just be a wandering body roaming trough the streets on monday, no energy at all to even comprehend elaborate speech from professors and fellow colleagues...


ah! the joy of dragging myself to the coffee machine to get myself a big one (grin on face)
sweet college life!

i feel like i can no longer avoid sleep now
composing this text just took away my last bit of energy...

...crap ...

(and there are no cookies in hell, dont believe their lies!!!)


so long, preccious time...

TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ps:a record post in expression marks, i believe

Tech

I HATE my mp3 player.

why would they make a product that is clearly screwed up?

8 gigs, mp4, mp3, jpeg and other image and text formats

it wasnt cheap, so its purchase gave me some consequences in my monthly money. i had to save up, as i always did since the begining of times.
i was ok with that.

The thing i wasn't prepared, though, was me putting nearly 10 thousand songs in it, a bunch of pictures as well, some vids and a sd card with some stuff and tha thing not being able to read the data.

200 out of 10000 songs are the only thing it plays (got sick f them all some time ago); doesnt show any images at all, videos are the same thing if not worse and the max volume the damned thing is capable is pretty damned low.

kslim thingy

seriously, dont buy it

not really a review or advertising,
that thing just pisses me off so much...


12-03-2010 EDIT:

ok, it's official, the thing just died

sick of things dying...

Night sky

went to the backyard for a while
saw the full bright moon lighting up the sky, above the only strip of clouds in the night sky - a dark painting, like the ones i used to stay awake on those cold nights just to look, look at the sky, look at the stars, sometimes even eating instant curry noodles with hashi or playing guitar and my dogs around me, keeping me warm...

those days are gone now...
fuck, even 2 of my dogs are gone...
went riding my bicycle from dawn to 3 a.m. looking everywhere
for several days straight
only to be dead tired and depressed for dont know how long after it
and fail my exams or not even going to them
even now when i hear a dog barking my heart skips a beat

only got one left
black haired with the most perfect hazel eyes i have ever seen

i really do believe i am not capable of loving a person
really dont care if im gay or straight
even now i dont have the means to really confirm any of the two
i had nothing of much value in my life
and now i have even less
no one to be there, no one to care about,
no one to share

No one to Love

I'm not joking when i write that the only reason i haven't killed myself already is because of curiosity of knowing what exactly does it feel to love someone

my dogs were the ones i loved,
who kept me warm and happy
nights like these only bring sadness to my mind
that only starts to fade away because my attention turns to something stupid
"why is it stupid?" - it always is...


i forgot what i ment to say with this post
i wonder even i had a point to begin with

fuck! i dont know... i really do think too much...



ps: if you are curious why i did that sometimes its because my house sits atop of an old castle wall and my view is one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen
i posted a photo of the view from my backyard in some other post - look it up and you'll understand why

Christmas + Bad Weather = Best of Friends

3.09 am
rain is pouring down on this city
it has already reached a limit
the fire alarm is sounding, waking everyone who could sleep with the noise
lightnings and heavy rain provided the lightshow and the soundtrack
my dog is whining down in the kitchen
i really cant see any fire, and even if there was one this bloody rain would surely put it out in a minute
total darkness is what i feel now
im liking the whole picture
has the day of reckoning come before us?
it would be fun if it was
goodbye sweet life
it was boresome living you

3.14
no electricity to take us to the present
heavy winds sing while we are out and take eveything away
rain washing whats left of these muddy streets
well, goodbye for now

3.18
something just flew away
my bedroom window just shakes a lot
no light still comes through
i just dont know what to say...

maybe tomorrow will come
maybe i will be posting this
maybe a giant meteor will kill us all

theres no sorrow in death
if it is death for all

we would all vanish,
no memories, no sadness, no happiness
no love
it would be as simple as that

we would cease to exist
we would live no more

not a poet, not a emo,
not a punk or goth,
not some wannabe
trying to be someone i'm not.
for whatever reason may be
also not hoping for this world to roth

im just that fucked up
simple, right?

gonna take my mind of things for now
but i will pray for salvation
not for my sake but for yours
i am free to die
dont really care what you do
still, i would not linger any longer in this place
if i were you...

3.34
what a waste of my time
the storm still lasts but
i am now out of wine............

......................fuck!!!

ignore me completly as i go downstairs for a refill and go to sleep to avoid all this being christmas and a time to be happy mumbo jumbo

A night like all other

dunno what to do, dunno what to think, dunno how to breathe, dunno how to blink...
i just lie here, time passing by, wishing to be alone while looking at the sky
but the sky is clouded, no beauty at all
a reflection of life in all its glory
like being against a 20 feet tall wall
the wall is guarded, robots rule the earth now

did you know that?

we are all going to die somehow...