A long time has passed

It has been a long time since the last post and several things have happened.
Nothing good came out in these months and I have the feeling that nothing good will come in the future.
It's ok, doesnt really matter.
I lost a even greater deal of my memories but I'm still me. Life goes on.

Honestly i just dont give a fuck about anything anymore so I'll continue to write only to my hearts content.
Shit happens and i need a way to vent out things so, i'll keep writing, hoping to avoid repercussions of not doing anything at all.
If it sounds like a diary... to hell with it! It will be something along those lines.
So suit yourself out, read all you want, think whatever you might.
As long as i remain unknown I really dont give a shit


It's now 6:34 am and, after a slespless night like so many others since a few years ago, i find myself writing in the dark, afraid to go foward.


It's been 6 weeks since the start of college and i still havent showed up for classes, after a first morning full of excitement, unknown places, unknown people, not caring and an irrational aversion to it all.
If i keep this up it will be like in the other place where everything felt wrong. That time i may have had an excuse since my life was hell and i felt like i was just doing it to end up in a dead end tiresome job and be miserable for the rest of my life. Now, in a different area and place i find myself just not knowing how to react to it all.
All of it constantly reminding me of all these time periods that i hardly speak and when i do either i find myself speaking very short phrases in an inaudible manner or not being abble to speak at all.

In an hour or so gonna take a shower, see how i feel after it.
If im ok, after being awake for 24 hours i shall gather all my courage to face unknown beasts and finally get a chance to redeem myself or fall flat on my ass to call myself human trash.
Last years remorse was hell.
This year is starting to feel like it.
I will not be able to go trough it again.

Nobsil - The Great (a bus)

so, here i am, on the bus ride to the big city

i actually lost the bus, had to go to a nearby town and buy another ticket to another bus
my dad and my sis actually waited with me for it to come (which was a hour and 20 minutes later)

i actually didnt have a bad day
it was kind of sunny, played a lot with my dog, saw a movie, went a little bit to the pc, , organized some random files and when the time came i just threw some stuff into my bag, picked up my pc and i was ready to go
the reason i missed the bus was my mom who forgot that i actually needed to be in another place 300 kms away by today, so... yeah.

it's the first time i ride the bus with so few people in it, so it's actually a big plus for me, since i can be at ease (im kind of anti-social)

i wanted to write something but i dont have my notebook with me and no pencil

still i have the pc (which im much faster at writing than by hand - that and my handwriting sucks pretty bad...), but still i feel it's kinda sad, to depend on such advanced tech to just record my useless thoughts.

i haven't eaten anything, so i was kind of happy only to feel sad after when some people came in and the air just filled up with the soft lingering scent of an hamburger and fries
And at that moment i realised that, no matter how much i usually hate hamburgers (i'm too picky with hamburgers. I do like fries, but i only eat them about 1 or 2 times a week - which i do believe is cool because if u eat too much of a good thing then there will come a time that, other than becoming fat, you will no longer notice the feeling of said thing - which does apply to everything in nature (but not the being fat part)) I would be more than happy to ignore the "NO FOOD ALLOWED" stickers and throw myself at what was once a living thing ("I'm soo sorry for eating you!!").

Still, this is all hypothetical and i can only regret and be pissed at those evildoers that are happilly eating just a few seats behind my current location.

the human mind is a sad thing...
:(

Sunday to me is...

i really dont want sunday to come.
i really dont want to go to sleep.

why?

because when do wake up i'll be depressed as hell, the lack of sleep not helping at all, wandering around the house, picking my stuff together with a frown on my face,
having lunch with that crazy gandma who NEVER SHUTS UP (NEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa...!!! - "YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE WITH MEEE!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAhaha!!!!)
get on the bus thats filled with annoying old ladies and college students who talk way to loud abouth useless things?
not to mention when someone farts on the bus and the already hot smelly air just gets so unbearable that i cant help but feel like puking my guts out...


just wasting 3 and a half hours just to get to that place that looks like a crummy film set from the 80's and spend the rest of the day closed up in my bedroom?
it's not really my bedroom, more like a storage room and guess what: it really hasnt been touched or remodeled since the 80's!!!

(hell on earth, anyone? T-T )

and i live there!!!
and i've got no life!!!
and i cant play my fucking guitar or put on music of any kind!!!!!
(and my mp3 player just died, that stupid thingy!!!!)

I dont even fit on that bed thingy because it's lenght is shorter than my height!!!!!
and i'm not even tall!!!!!!!
why?!?!?
AND I DONT EVEN HAVE DECENT INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...????????????????????

i mean, its fucking sunday!!!!!!!
why waste it away?!?!?!?!?!
i'll just be a wandering body roaming trough the streets on monday, no energy at all to even comprehend elaborate speech from professors and fellow colleagues...


ah! the joy of dragging myself to the coffee machine to get myself a big one (grin on face)
sweet college life!

i feel like i can no longer avoid sleep now
composing this text just took away my last bit of energy...

...crap ...

(and there are no cookies in hell, dont believe their lies!!!)


so long, preccious time...

TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ps:a record post in expression marks, i believe

why the hell am i listening to techno music?!?

i feel like a real college student now, surrounded by books, studying my ass off for an exam tomorrow (today, since its 5.07 am) which i already know i'll fail
i dont really know how to study

im a mess, both in my studies and as a person

nothing lasts much with me
conformismo até mais n

not a good thing
but i really dont know what other path i should take

hell, i dont even know how to do my own laundry

u can only act like a brat to a certain point right?

college my ass

i should have gone to a remote country in the first place

"Basic Survival 101" - crash course

the though reality of the world right in my face

i really wish i went, i really believe it would turn me into a better person
and improve some of my habits which only have sicken me till this point

shit, gotta study - what for?

if i really do wake up after sleeping i'll be lucky as hell

Waking up, turning the alarm of, off to bed again to sleep...

So things are a little screwed up, skipped class, my family arrived now, so i pretty much missed the opportunity to miss them and act like i went to school 

Haven't cleaned my room either, so things are a complete mess; adding my lack of decency and "fuck you, i don't care!" attitude, i really don't know where this is going to end...

Its noon now, I'm writing this to look busy - such a deceitful bastard, aren't I?

Because i woke up late and its nearly Christmas, i think I'm gonna go downtown, see new things - haven't went there since I'm here in this fucking city

"I heard the sewers are nice" its just about everything i have to say in her defense.